Dear PJ,

Here we go month #4!  I can’t believe it… I walk around saying that a lot, ‘I can’t believe you’ve been in our lives 4 months’ (plus the nine in my belly).  It feels like forever and the blink of an eye all at once.   It has been almost a year since we found out about you, and as that date swiftly approaches, I often find myself reminiscing about being pregnant — it was without a doubt the happiest time of my life.  Well, the happiest until you came along.  You are another level of happy I still can’t quite describe.

And so here we are… month 4 and you are starting to develop a little personality, quickly turning into a real person who interacts with us and those around you.  You are so happy, SO smiley.  The big open-mouthed kind of smiley I can’t get enough of.  You are curious and wide eyed; I’m obsessed with watching you discover something new and the way it holds your attention.  You are shy when I hold you in front of the mirror… you’ll give a sly little smile and then bury your face in my neck.  My heart melts.  And now that you’re this recognizable human and more approachable than your sleeping/crying newborn-self, Gus is all about giving you big kisses.  He’s at the door to greet us when we walk in at the end of the day and has made it a part of his routine to immediately give you a sniff and a kiss before you get of the car seat.  You’re starting to notice him as well, this big hairy thing with his wild tail and dark eyes…  I’m already envisioning the day you’re best buds paling around together.

Picking you up from daycare is the highlight of my day.  It has been an easy transition for both of us – well, easier than I thought it might be.  I can tell you are happy there… loved on by your teachers and entertained by your classmates who are moving all over the place (and sometimes kicking you in the head – I’m sure that only happened once, ha!)  And month 3 was a big one in other ways:  you found your toes, took your first flight and made a cameo in the ER.

First flight was a success!  Lucky for us – and all others on the plane – you were a perfect traveling companion.  Amazed by the sights of the airport (people watching might be a hobby we can share!) and lulled to sleep by the white noise of the plane, we were so thankful it went smoothly.  You and I are flying together again soon – and quite a few more times throughout the rest of the year -had that first flight been a disaster we would probably be logging a lot of miles by car.  Phew!  Thanks for being awesome.

But things that are not awesome?  Croup.  It came out of nowhere (as it does, apparently) on a Friday at midnight.  This AWFUL cough followed by bouts of gasping for your breath.  My heart was beating out of my chest and to say I was scared would be the biggest understatement of understatements… I had no idea what was wrong or how to fix it IMMEDIATELY.  Your Dad was the picture of calm as he held you and I got on the phone with a nurse.  A little time in our bathroom-turned-steam room and then off to the ER we went.  By the time we arrived you were your smiling self, charming all the nurses and trying to fool the Dr., making us look like crazy people thinking we had dreamed up what had happened 40 minutes earlier.  They heard you wheeze and we were validated.  You were beyond cute in that tiny hospital gown.  But seeing you in it once was more than enough.  Your Dad & I are really starting to get the hang of things.  And hopefully soon (all fingers/toes crossed) you’ll get the hang of YOUR CRIB.

And with all that excitement, I’ve somehow managed to shoot 4 weddings, as well as a few family sessions… while working full time.  There are nights I sit in front of the computer for hours (5 last night…!) while you sleep; I have taken multi-tasking to levels I didn’t know existed.   There is not a second to spare most days and nights, and when I look at it from the outside it makes me a bit dizzy to see all the balls I’m trying to juggle.  I’ve started outsourcing my wedding editing… which has helped tremendously in freeing up some of my time, and making clients happy with quick turn-arounds, win-win!, but it’s a lot to handle and I’m trying my best to do it gracefully.  The mommy guilt really sets in when I have shoots on the weekends after working all week… but photography is something I love so much.  It’s important to me that you see these passions your father and I have… And hope they encourage you to pursue your own one day.

I can’t wait to see what this new month brings.  More travel, more kisses, more giggles.

I love you!